After looking at pictures over the weekend I realize I have been in denial for 3 1/2 years. You see, I have always believed I came through my pregnancy and my daughters' first year with flying colors. Then I looked at pictures from the week two of my girls came home from the hospital (they were approximately 60 days old) and I now know I have been fooling myself.
I cannot begin to tell you how scary it was to see myself in those pictures. I knew the pregnancy was rough. I knew the time spent traveling back and forth to the NICU was exhausting. I never knew just how much of a toll it took on me physically until just now. (What, you think I'm going to SHOW you those pictures? Yeah, right).
I spent 23 weeks on bed rest. During that time I lost 30 pounds because I could not keep anything done for several weeks. Nothing. Not even popsicles. By the time I delivered my daughters I gained back 28 pounds. I was exhausted. I had low muscle tone. I'm surprised I still knew how to walk once I was done with bed rest, although, truth be told, walking through the grocery store was quite an effort for several months.
Here's what I saw in those pictures: a gaunt face, dark circles under the eyes, clothes falling off of me. But here's what I realized from those pictures: my life will always be a sacrifice to do what I need to do to raise my children. That's not me being a martyr, that's me being realistic. Their needs come before mine... but I need to take care of myself to make sure I'm around to take care of them.
My Twinsane Life Featured Twin Blogger
2 days ago