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A few days after Christmas I had a bit of a breakdown. At the dinner table. Hubby and I were eating yet another processed meal out of a box and I just couldn't take it any more. With work and the holidays I hadn't had time for any exercise and I felt awful... sluggish, no energy. That night we made a decision: it's time to change some of our bad habits.
For the last year, Hubby's work made it hard to eat healthy. He was gone five nights a week, which made it easier to rely on convenience foods. Now that his schedule has changed, we need to change too.
I've started a new exercise program. It's a challenge because it requires a 6 day a week commitment, roughly an hour each day. (It lasts 90 days if that helps you figure out what program I'm doing). Hubby has been good at helping me. He is "lucky" enough to be able to get up at 4:30 am and use the gym at his work. So if the girls don't have school (meaning I can't work out while they're in school), then he willingly takes over "quad duty" when he walks in the door so I can get in my work out. I'm on the third week and feeling good. I went for the "classic" routine (meaning more strength training) but I think at the end of this week I may switch to the "lean" version because I feel like I need more cardio.
We're also really making an effort to eat better. Since that night we have not had one meal out of a box, except for the occasional frozen meal when I'm working during the dinner hours. We've always been bigger lean meat eaters (fish and chicken) than red meat, so that hasn't been a difficult change. We're also adding more vegetables and brown rice rather than bread.
The vegetable issue has been a bit of a challenge. We would both rather go organic, but when you're on a budget it's hard to justify a $2.99 bag of carrots versus a $.79 bag. I know organic tastes better, but still.... I'm hoping during the summer I can frequent some of our local road side vegetable stands for fresher produce. We also have a vegetable/rice steamer on order, which should help us broaden our choices.
As for the girls, they are reaping the benefits of extra vegetables. As for the processed food, they're five. We're getting there. At least they eat organic mac and cheese!
From the minute my daughters were born, they have needed to gain weight. At birth they weighed between 1 1/2 pounds and just over 2 pounds. Needless to say that's very small. Now here we are nearly 4-years-old and weight is still an issue.
Why am I bringing this up? This country clearly has an obesity problem... I'm not trying to belittle that... but it can be just as frustrating trying to help a young child put on weight.
The girls started out on a special formula which helped them gain weight. Once we switched to milk we did the requisite whole milk with a switch to 2% milk when they turned two. At their next check up their pediatrician advised me to put them back on whole milk. I think their 3-year check up was the first time any of the girls were "on the chart" (just barely) for their weight.
As an adult it can sound thrilling to be told you need to put on weight. Imagine the possibilities: cheese, ice cream, chocolate, you name it. But trying to help a child gain weight is a little trickier. You can only give them so much cheese.... I know because I give them a lot of cheese: a slice of cheese with lunch, cheese mixed with veggies, extra cheese on their mac and cheese. While I want them to develop at a "normal" rate, I don't want to clog their arteries and contribute to future problems. Our pediatrician suggested adding creamer to their milk, but so far I haven't been able to bring myself to do that. Right now my daughters gladly drink their milk. As someone who hates drinking milk, I'm afraid to take too many chances.
One of my biggest concerns is body issues. I don't want my daughters growing up being obsessed about their weight. whether it's gaining it or losing it. The other day they saw me working out and asked why I was exercising. Rather than say "oh, mommy wants to lose weight" my response was "mommy's trying to stay healthy." Little girls don't need to be thinking about their weight or counting calories. Hopefully as they grow and develop I can build the ground work for them to be healthy and confident.
After looking at pictures over the weekend I realize I have been in denial for 3 1/2 years. You see, I have always believed I came through my pregnancy and my daughters' first year with flying colors. Then I looked at pictures from the week two of my girls came home from the hospital (they were approximately 60 days old) and I now know I have been fooling myself.
I cannot begin to tell you how scary it was to see myself in those pictures. I knew the pregnancy was rough. I knew the time spent traveling back and forth to the NICU was exhausting. I never knew just how much of a toll it took on me physically until just now. (What, you think I'm going to SHOW you those pictures? Yeah, right).
I spent 23 weeks on bed rest. During that time I lost 30 pounds because I could not keep anything done for several weeks. Nothing. Not even popsicles. By the time I delivered my daughters I gained back 28 pounds. I was exhausted. I had low muscle tone. I'm surprised I still knew how to walk once I was done with bed rest, although, truth be told, walking through the grocery store was quite an effort for several months.
Here's what I saw in those pictures: a gaunt face, dark circles under the eyes, clothes falling off of me. But here's what I realized from those pictures: my life will always be a sacrifice to do what I need to do to raise my children. That's not me being a martyr, that's me being realistic. Their needs come before mine... but I need to take care of myself to make sure I'm around to take care of them.
