December 08, 2010

Oh, the Drama

Why does it seem as though women just can't get along? I know, I know, it seems so stereotypical. Unfortunately, my experiences in organizations made up primarily of women, make me wonder what's going on.
A friend of mine recently had a Facebook status post, an innocent question, which quickly blew up into a full scale war of words between some of her "friends." Later, my friend posted that her previous post had inspired her to block some of the offenders because she realized some of these "friends" were the same people attacking her on other message boards. Long story short, these message boards are support groups for moms of multiples.
It didn't surprise me that she has been attacked by other moms. I once was part of a moms forum for a national magazine. I posted an answer in response to a "how to" question and was met by other moms saying "I would NEVER do that." I let it roll off my back, rather than start an argument. I don't know these women personally, so what's the point in responding to criticism? Even within my local moms of multiples group I've seen clashes of personalities that resulted in hurt feelings and even some withdrawals of memberships. One mom said it gets worse as our kids get older and are involved in more activities.
It's not just "moms groups" that are full of drama. I work primarily with women and I'm not sure I've gone a day without listening to some type of drama. I try to stay away from it, do my job and go home. You could argue that you'll have this drama in any type of working environment, male or female, but consider this: Hubby works primarily with men and rarely comes home with tales of drama. Are men more likely to let things slide? 
I like the fact that everyone, male or female, has their own opinion. It's part of what makes this country so great. You don't have to agree with me... I don't have to agree with you... but do we really need to attack one another for not believing the same things?

11 comments:

Stephanie Barr said...

Amen.

I'm an engineer/scientist and have been told I don't think like a "regular" woman. I also work in male-dominated environment. Although there is drama, it is quite benign compared to many environments. Passions and vitriole still exist, but they are less likely to get personal. I suspect there is a difference and I HATE gender-based stereotypes. It bothers me to think there's some basis in this, but my experience is similar.

I literally don't get the vitriole and hatred I've seen on many areas, many discussion areas. I don't want to be involved in discussions that become personal attacks or other nastiness. Science, education, social trends, raising children, reviewing writing. No subject is immune to obnoxious bile.

I don't get it. Aren't we grown-ups?

Quadmama said...

I really do appreciate a healthy debate. I've learned valuable lessons from people who don't share the same opinions I do. I agree with you: we're grown-ups. Let's act like it!

MaryAnne said...

I'm with you!

Sarah said...

I can't tell you the number of debates/fights that errupted when some innocent mother suggested using formula on my 4 year old birthboard. It go so ugly every time. I just hate that women can't support each other.

Sadia said...

I've been thinking about this more and more recently. Perhaps it's being married to someone who is so philosophically opposed to me that has made me more open-minded. Anyhow, it recently struck me that EVERY war ever fought was over someone trying to impose their beliefs on someone else.

Perhaps war is the male version of cattiness?

Writer Lady said...

There's a reason the phrase "drama queen" is heard so often. Mom's are often the last person considered in the family. It's OK with them, but sometimes they want to stand out and be special.

But also, Moms are specialists in raising children and they know they're stuff, so they're ready to fight for what they believe in. Think of it as stimulating conversation or entertainment - whichever fits.

Christina said...

Women can be flat out bitches, and that's probably why I don't have a lot of friends. I dropped out of all my SAHM groups I was part of, because there was always someone talking about someone else. I didn't sign up for that, I signed up for some fun with "mature" women, and friends for my kids. It was a joke.

Holly Ann said...

I agree with you! I am generally a follower of the "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...And It's [Mostly] All Small Stuff," philosophy.

reanbean said...

It is too bad that it so often has to be that way. I do think that men are more able to let things go and not feel bothered my them. My hubs teaches 3rd grade, and so has many female colleagues. He doesn't talk a lot about what goes on at school, but every now and then he'll laugh about the latest drama between female co-workers. Personally, I'm try to stay out of the drama as much as possible. It's just not worth the time and energy.

MultipleMum said...

Honestly it is all madness! I think the reason women are not ruling the world isn't because we aren't capable enough, smart enough, hard-working enough or even that we have less opportunities. I think it is because we don't seem to be able to get along and back each other the way men do. Every female politician in Australia is bagged for how she looks, what she wears and how she holds herself. It isn't about her policies. And yet, any fat, balding and completely fashion-impaired man seems to be able to be taken at face value and be criticised for his work. There is something so wrong about it all. Thanks for the opportunity to rant. I will go back in my box now :)

Brooke said...

I totally agree. So much of the drama I experience is just catty and unnecessary. I had a similar experience where I posted a blog entry on a local newspaper site and got blasted up and down -- and what I posted was very mild. I think it's just a lot of attention-seekers.

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