January 20, 2010

When One is Left Out

So far we have avoided the drama of only one of the girls being invited to a birthday party or play date. At this point, when one is invited, they have all been invited. I'm dreading the day, though, when I have to explain why only one is invited somewhere. (And, just a side note, I completely understand why all four may not be invited to a party... different classes, different friends, etc., but I still think it will be hard to explain).
Still, there are times when my daughters exclude one another from various activities. The other day, for example, Roo and Sue Sue were playing some game that made sense only to them. It involved sitting in an upside down chair and talking about bugs. Tortilla said "Can I play?" They said no. Keep in mind that as soon as Roo said no she looked to see my reaction. She knew she was supposed to say yes. I diverted Tortilla's attention and she went on to play something else.
It's a fairly common occurrence in our house: someone is playing quietly by herself and suddenly her three sisters want in on the action. I'm all for share and share alike, but I also understand their need for some alone time. Sometimes I can split them into different play rooms. Other times I set the oven timer so they can take turns with toys.
Still, I hate the heartbreak on the face of the sister who is told she can't play. It's never the same sister and never for the same reasons. Being left out is a life lesson that is never fun to learn.

8 comments:

Stephanie B said...

But necessary. As long as it's not consistent, however (one of them repeatedly excluded), it's probably healthy.

Just no fun.

Quadmama said...

I think it's also good for them to know they don't have to be around each other 24/7.

maryanne @ mama smiles said...

At our house Johnny ALWAYS wants to play with Emma, but sometimes she just wants time to herself. It's been hard for him to understand, but he does a lot better now that Lily's around to fill the void. And we do occasionally have problems with play dates. One of Emma's friends always includes Johnny in their games, and I'm so grateful!

Sometimes I invite siblings over for a play date, and Emma winds up playing with the younger brother while Johnny plays with the older sister - like a sibling swap for the day.

Quadmama said...

Sibling swap... I like that!

Marilynne said...

I think your girls are beginning to understand that they're separate people in addition to being quads. I see this as a good thing.

Quadmama said...

For the most part it is a good thing. It's only hard when feelings are hurt, which, thank goodness is rare.

Krissi said...

It is a hard pill to swallow but much better to learn it young and in the house than older and out in the 'real world.' Think about how much more well rounded your 4 will be!

Quadmama said...

Yes, I'm definitely glad they're getting their first dose of it from their sisters rather than their peers.

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