August 09, 2010

Girls Who Wear Pants

I've mentioned before that I am captivated by celebrity gossip. I don't know why. Mainly, it's just fun to read little tidbits here and there. I try to make a daily visit to the websites for People and TMZ. A recent gossip rag obsession has me confused: why do I care that one of Angelina Jolie's daughters has short hair?
In a nutshell, there have been several articles about Shiloh and the fact that she a) dresses in "boyish" clothes and b) recently had her long locks chopped off. She's four. The website comments from people who claimed Shiloh is "being raised to be gay" simply made me roll my eyes. Yes, because all girls who wear pants and don't have long hair will, of course, come out as lesbians. Please. Let's not even get into the nature vs. nurture debate. Those are the comments that are there just to antagonize. The ones that made me angry were the parents, mostly moms, who questioned why a four year old is allowed to make decisions regarding her wardrobe and her hair. Ummmmm... because she's four and it's part of the process of growing up. Or have I been doing this all wrong?
When my daughters first exhibited signs of speech, I started giving them choices. Do you want the pink cup or the orange cup? The Elmo shirt or the Dora shirt? They had to answer with words, not pointing. My daughters are four, almost five, and, on a regular basis, I tell them to go upstairs and dress themselves or pick out their own bathing suit. Do we have disagreements now and then about appropriate outfits? Of course. But for the most part, I let them do their thing. They're not going to wear sweaters in sweltering heat or bathing suits in January, but that's part of the learning process, too. As school approaches, I'm sure we'll be having more discussions about which outfits they can and can't wear, but I'm still going to give them a say in what they wear... and something tells me not a single media outlet will be knocking on my door to report on the scandal of letting a bunch of four year olds pick out their own clothes.

7 comments:

Sadia said...

Really, the media covers this stuff? I'm in your camp. My kids get to put their own outfits together, and if they clash, so be it. Mine also chose their own hair-lengths.

I agree, it's part of developing a sense of self. Perhaps we're more attuned to that as mothers of multiples because the world wants to lump our kids together as a unit?

MaryAnne said...

I'm with you! I think four is the perfect time to let them dress however they want. I let my kids chose their hair-dos, too, which means for Emma her hair was brushed but certainly doesn't look it most of the time...

Stephanie Barr said...

My sister in law, even as a very small child, wanted her hair short, enough so that she stole her mother's scissors and whacked it herself if it wasn't kept short enough to suit her.

Children need limits and rules, but they also need some power over their own lives. Helplessness is not a healthy state for children to stay in.

Quadmama said...

The last time my daughters had hair cuts, one of them opted not to cut her hair. She is now ready for a cut because her long hair is driving her crazy. I have no problem with the fact that we waited.

Danae said...

My older two children pick out their clothes. Generally this leads to some very ugly outfits, but it's their choice. I draw the line, like you, with seasonally inappropriate clothing, and sometimes have to tell my eldest that a skirt is not appropriate for pulling weeds. It's just one battle that I prefer not to have, and it gives some control to the kids.

Quadmama said...

About a month ago my daughters took a walk around the neighborhood wearing Halloween shirts and poufy skirts. It's all about knowing which battle to fight.

reanbean said...

Tiny needs to have a say in what she wears each day or we just unnecessarily get off on the wrong foot. I'm sure by the time she is four, she'll be doing all the choosing and I'll have to pick my battles. But I agree, it is all part of growing up and learning to be independent.

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