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We have a standard set of rules in our house. No hitting, no biting, no sassing, etc. Still, I think it has to be confusing for our daughters to try and figure out the subtle differences between the way Hubby does things and the way I do things.
It's not that Hubby and I have drastically different ways of doing things, it's just that we prefer different methods when it comes to certain things. For instance, in the mornings Roo is often the first one up. She'll use the bathroom and then look around her room to see if anyone else is awake. If everyone is awake (or if she thinks they should be awake) she'll turn the bedroom light on. I don't have a problem with that, since everyone's going to be up soon anyway. Hubby, however, makes her keep the light off on the mornings he's in charge, so her sisters can savor every millisecond of sleep. I've started trying to do it his way, just so she's a little less confused.
After meals I usually have the girls stand on their chairs so I can wipe off their hands and faces. It's easier on my back. I realize I'll have to stop this practice one day, but for now it works best for me. Hubby does not want them standing on their chairs after meals. I have been told by my daughters "You like us to stand. Daddy doesn't." At least they're figuring it out.
I know we're not alone with this dilemma. Every parent has different styles of doing things. I don't think it's a bad thing. Yes, it can still be confusing at a young age, but it's teaching our girls to adapt to different environments and go with the flow. Either that or I'm just a big pushover.
Teaching toddlers all the household rules can be challenging. Sure I want them to behave at the table, clean up their toys, etc., but that doesn't always happen. I have a few rules, though, which are non-negotiable: We don't bite, we don't hit, we don't push. It can be difficult for my daughters to understand why other children are allowed to do these things.
For the most part if another child pushes one of my girls, she'll simply move to a different area or activity. I think some of this comes from having siblings. If your sister is bothering you, the quickest way to resolve the issue is to take yourself out of the situation. But when you're in a confined space, say a preschool classroom, moving away isn't always easy.
From time to time I'm told this on the way home from preschool "So and so pushed me" or "The boy took my toys." When I ask "what did you do?" the answer is usually "nothing... but he was naughty." I have explained to my daughters that not every mommy and daddy have the same rules at home and even if they do not every little boy or little girl remembers the rules all the time. I'm not suggesting there are parents out there who think it's OK for their kids to bite, hit or push, but I know there are parents out there who don't discipline their children for doing these things.
On an outing to the local children's museum, a boy who was clearly older than my daughters pushed one of the girls out his way so he could use the activity with which she was playing. I didn't say anything. I just steered her toward another activity. A woman with the mom of the boy in question must not have seen what happened because a few minutes later she said to the mom "Did you see those four little girls? Wow. Look at how well-behaved they are." Do you know what the mom said? "Yeah, well, I bet she wouldn't have the same luck if she had four boys." It still makes my blood boil. I don't buy into the notion that boys are harder to raise than girls. Come to my house when my daughters are trying to do a live version of WWE. But that's a post for a different day.
My daughters are becoming better at understanding that regardless of what other kids do, they are still expected to follow certain rules. They're also becoming better at standing up for themselves. While they haven't hit back or pushed back (yet), they will say "Don't push me." I don't expect my daughters to be perfect angels... but I do expect them to do their best to follow my rules and treat their peers the way they would want their peers to treat them. Heavy stuff for a four-year-old.
