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Shopping with my daughters used to be uneventful. We could go to a store, hit the toy aisle to look and be done. Now that my daughters are old enough to understand the concept of buying things, shopping can be hairy. The toy aisle can still be fun, or it can lead to "Can I have this?" "I really need this."
A few days ago, I needed to go to a nearby mall. As a general rule, I avoid malls. I'm not a big shopper to begin with, and I hate those kiosks in malls where the employees badger you the entire time you're walking by. But the store I needed to go to is only in a mall and I had to go because I had a Groupon that was about to expire. So off we went to the mall.
As I pulled into the parking lot, I realized my daughters had never been to a mall before. Fortunately, the store I needed to go to is near an entrance, so we didn't have to parade through a department store. We bought what I needed and then my daughters asked to go on the nearby escalator. I humored them. They've been on escalators before, unfortunately, it dawned on me as we stepped on the moving stairs that I've always had other adults around when we've been on escalators. I held my breath. We all made it on and off without incident. Thank goodness the elevator was nearby and it was a glass elevator, so they were more than happy to ditch the escalator on the way down.
As we headed to the elevator, I spied The Disney Store. I decided to take them. Before we went in the store I repeatedly told them "We are NOT buying anything."
They were mesmerized by all the "stuff" in the store. They had fun looking at the "Tangled" items and seeing the tiny bathing suits for babies. The dressing room was a castle, so of course they wanted to go inside. No one was trying anything on, so I let them look inside for a few minutes. They didn't ask for a single thing. No one sighed dramatically or stomped her feet. I'm a huge sucker so I decided to reward them for their good behavior in the mall and in the store. They each picked out a cup with their favorite princess. (Actually, Roo chose Minnie Mouse because they didn't have Snow White). As soon as they found out they were going home with such a fancy surprise, I was inundated with choruses of "Thank you, Mommy." "This is so nice. Thank you!" Every single one of them thanked me profusely. At one point I was even declared the best mom ever. The point is: they're finally starting to get it. The lessons on manners are paying off. The lessons on not getting something every time you ask are working because now they don't ask for something every time we go to a store. The lessons on staying with mom in busy places are sinking in. Are they perfect? No, but they're finally starting to get it! I was on Cloud 9 for the rest of the day after all the "thank you's" I received.
(On a funny side note: when we got home, Tortilla said "Thanks for taking us to Disneyland, mom!" If she thinks this was cool, wait until we eventually go to the real place!)
When the girls had their birthday and only two people RSVP'd I had a small blog rant about etiquette... namely, why don't people RSVP anymore? I was surprised by the number of comments from people who had similar experiences. Now there's a new lapse in etiquette which baffles me: the thank you note.
I am one of those people who tries very diligently to write thank you letters. After birthdays or Christmas, I try to have notes written and mailed within a week. It doesn't always happen in that time frame, but it gets done. The last few birthday parties the girls have gone to have resulted in zero thank yous. The parents had the children acknowledge the gifts as they opened them, but no thank yous were sent.
I realize that until the age of 8 (give or take a year) the burden of thank you notes falls to the parents. In our busy lives, it can be hard to set aside time to do this... but shouldn't it still be done?
These days I ask the girls to tell me something they like about their gift. Their responses can be quite comical, but I make sure to include them in the letter. At the end, they each write the first letter of their name. Previously, they would make a scribble... something to show they took part in the process. They've asked me several times why we're writing the letters. I explain to them that it's important to let people know how much their gifts meant to us.
I've actually read blogs from twin moms who said they shouldn't be expected to write thank yous after the birth of their babies. (If you're one of those moms, please know, I'm not calling you out or trying to start an argument). I get it. Having one newborn makes life crazy. Having two or more? Chaos. I kept a running list of all the gifts we received. The list had a spot where I then checked off whether I sent a note and when I sent it. It was extremely important to me to acknowledge each and every item we received. I didn't want anyone to think their gift was overlooked, lost in the shuffle or unappreciated. To this day, I still feel guilty about a gift we received. One day Hubby came home from work with a bag full of diapers in various sizes. There was no card, nothing. We both happened to work at the same TV station at the time and the bag was waiting for him at the receptionist's desk when he arrived. I have no idea who gave us those much appreciated diapers and I still wish that I could have thanked him/her. My guess is it was a viewer of the newscast I anchored who generously thought of my family. I just wish I could have said "thank you for thinking of us."
I've given wedding gifts that have gone unacknowledged. I once emailed a bride months after the wedding to make sure she received our gift. Her response? "Yes, thanks" (via email). Short, void of emotion... but at least she said thank you! (eventually)
I'm beginning to think some adults need to take a few days and visit their local preschool. I'm flabbergasted by some of the lack etiquette I've seen lately. If my four-year-olds can grasp these simple rules, why can't some adults?
- Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze. I was coughed on twice last week at work by two different people. Regardless of whether you think H1N1 is all "hype" and not a threat, honestly, I don't want your germs! On a related note, I finally have convinced my daughters to cough or sneeze into their elbows rather than their hands. They thought I was teasing them when I first showed them how to do that.
- Wash your hands. My daughters know they wash their hands when they come home from preschool, before they eat, after they use the bathroom and after they've been outside. When I try to use hand sanitizer they seem a little miffed that we're not using soap and water.
- No cutting in line. Don't you hate it when you're at the grocery store and the person at the back of the line runs for the checker who's opening a new lane?
- If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. My daughters know there are certain things you should say to someone. This includes "nyah nyah nyah nyah" or sticking your tongue out. I've been "reprimanded" by them for jokingly blowing raspberries at Hubby.
Don't forget, you still have time to enter the Name Your Tune CD giveaway.
My daughters are becoming pretty good at saying "please," "thank you," and "you're welcome." Sometimes they need a prompt or two, but overall they're catching on. There's one aspect of manners that really has me stumped: how should children address adults?
Growing up I was always taught to call adults "Mr. X" or "Mrs. X." I remember one friend's mom told me it was OK to call her by her first name, but my parents still insisted I address her as "Mrs. X." I think I was out of college before I addressed a long-time older neighbor and friend by her first name. These days, however, I seem to only hear children call adults by their first name.
I don't know if it's necessarily rude. It doesn't really bother me when friends' children call me by my first name. I used my maiden name professionally even after I was married, so being referred to by my married name sometimes throws me for a loop. But how do you explain to children that they need to call their teachers "Mr. or Mrs." but other adults can be addressed by their first names?
If it's someone I don't know very well I will introduce the person to my children as "Mrs. X." When it comes to my friends, though, it's a different story. I'm never going to remember not to call my friends by their first names when talking to my daughters, so how can I expect them to call them anything else?
I know there are some adults who will correct children who call them by their first names. Is it a sign of respect? Absolutely. Do I think children who address me by my first name are disrespectful? No, not really. I guess I'm writing this post for input. How do you ask your children to address adults? Is it a big deal to call them by their first name?
