When Tantrums Backfire

Yesterday started like any other day. We went through our morning routine and then decided to go to the pool. The neighborhood pool is more enjoyable before lunch, since most people wait until the afternoon to go for a swim. We started getting ready. All the girls put on bikinis. Unfortunately, Sue Sue's bikini was too big in the bottoms. I knew if she wore it, she would constantly lose her bottoms in the pool. So I told her to find a different suit. You would have thought I told her she had to give up her a coveted toy. 
She began screaming at the top of her lungs. Actually, it was more like screeching. First I tried reasoning with her. Then I tried ignoring her. Then I tried to simply put her in a bathing suit. She tried to take it off. Then I told the girls we weren't going swimming. This resulted in tears from everyone. I quickly realized it wasn't fair to punish the other three for one sister's poor choices. 
In the end, I forced Sue Sue into clothes and told her she would be joining us at the pool... from the sidelines. I was a little concerned she would throw a new tantrum at the pool. She whined a bit as she sat in her chair. She constantly told me "it's not fair." I pointed out that it wouldn't be fair to make her sisters stay home just because she was naughty. Eventually she apologized and was quite disappointed that I wouldn't even let her put her feet in the water.
All in all, I think she realized tantrums won't get her anywhere. She is currently upstairs putting on a bathing suit to go swimming today and I haven't heard a single argument.

Don't Be Afraid to Follow Through

Working part-time in retail, I have the chance to see parents in various situations... some days they're in their glory, some days you can tell they just want to go home and hide from the world. Recently, I've started wondering why so many parents are afraid to follow through on their threats of punishment.
Here is a typical scenario: a parent, usually a mom, is walking through the store with a child who is having a meltdown over a toy, clothing, or something along those lines. Mom says "If you keep this up, we're going home." Child keeps screaming, wailing to be exact... mom repeatedly says "If you keep this up, we're going home." The tantrum continues... and a half hour later the mom and screaming child are still shopping.
I'm not afraid of the follow through. There have been times when we've had to leave the pool or a park because of a meltdown. It's not fun to be the bad guy, but that's part of being a mom. I always give a warning ("If I have to tell you again, then we're leaving"), but if we get past the warning stage, we're done. My daughters know I'm not afraid to leave no matter what we're doing.
I realize that some meltdowns are due to exhaustion... but maybe that, too, is a sign that it's time to throw in the towel and go home. Other meltdowns can also be part of a deeper behavioral issue, which is why I don't judge. I've seen people stare at the mom and child in question... or glare... or make obnoxious comments regarding their parenting skills. Sometimes the meltdown is part of the learning process. I get that.... but those tend to be the parents who are using other methods to calm their children and not using empty threats as the solution.

The No Crying Rule

Some days I am ready to pull my hair out with all the crying I have to listen to. When my daughters are hurt I understand the crying. When they're mad or frustrated I get that, too, to a certain degree. But when they cry just to cry or because they think they'll receive attention, it drives me bonkers.
I recently read an article about the "terrible three's." One mom said she tells her daughter that if she wants to throw a tantrum it's OK, as long as she goes to her room. When she's done crying she's welcome to rejoin the family. So I decided to try instituting the "No Crying Downstairs Rule."
As soon as one of my daughters begins crying (assuming she's not hurt) I say "Uh-oh." One of two things happens. Either she stops crying or the crying continues. If it continues then I say "You know the rule. There's no crying downstairs. Go to your room and when you're done crying you can come back down here." She'll either immediately stop crying or she'll run upstairs. Usually by the time any of them reach their bed they'll shout down the stairs "I'm done crying!" Some times, though, the rule works too well. One of my daughters fell and hit her head. She started to cry and began her trek upstairs. I immediately scooped her up and told her it's OK to cry if you're hurt. Poor thing.
So far the no crying rule seems to be working for all of us. I've seen a slight decrease in tantrums and my nerves aren't on edge by the end of the day.