When a Quadruplet Gets to Be a "Normal" Kid

This month, I've had the time to participate in some of the activities offered by my moms of multiples group. It's been a lot of fun seeing my girls interact with other multiples (mostly triplets) and even more fun when they get to just be kids and not "The Quads."
The camping trip we went on earlier this month was organized by my moms of multiples group. It's the first activity we've done with the group where my girls are old enough to understand "triplets, quadruplets, etc." and where they've been old enough to not be shy. They had a blast playing with their new friends and it was so nice to not have to constantly answer the "Are they quadruplets?" question. I mean when you're running around with 21 triplets, no one really cares if you're a quadruplet!
Yesterday we went to the zoo with my moms of multiples group. I think we ended up with about 21 kids. Normally a zoo outing for our family ends with me wanting to tell people "It's the animals who are on display, not us." (Yes, most people are just curious and kind, but it's hard not to get frustrated when you're simply trying to enjoy the day). Yesterday, we just looked like one of the day care groups spending the day at the zoo. We barely turned heads, except for the one mom with her young triplets in a triple stroller. I'm sure she still endured her fair share of comments.
Now, of course, my daughters want to know why they can't see their new triplet friends every day. I guess I need to start arranging some play dates!

No Room to Be Spontaneous

Being spontaneous is hard to do when you have more than one child, multiples or not. Everyone expects a turn, no matter how silly it might seem. If I am talking with one of my daughters and give her a hug, everyone wants a hug. OK, that's not a bad thing. But if one of my girls does something silly and I pick her up and spin her around, everyone wants to be spun around. Doing these things four-times over is really starting to take a toll on my back!
Last night it started snowing while Hubby was grilling dinner. The girls were concerned that Daddy would get his hair wet. He jokingly picked up one of the girls, put her on his head and said "Well, I guess I'll go out with my hat so I don't get wet." Of course, three other "hats" needed to have a turn. 
There have been times that we have had to instruct guests "don't do something funny unless you want to do it four times." They'll pick up one girl and then suddenly three others are clamoring for a turn. Can you blame them for not wanting to miss out on the fun?
On a side note, I am a Purex Insider and the group is having a competition to see who can drive the most traffic to a site about Purex Complete Crystals. Please take a moment to cut and paste this link  http://www.purex.com/MXTQEPZOXYOMU200AXODMQMFIYLHZ I tried just putting the link in with a "click here" type of thing, but Blogger is not liking the link function today. So please please please cut and paste.  (The top 100 "Insiders" win something, so that helps my odds!) That's all you have to do. It's a URL that's unique to me. Thanks for your support!

A Heartbreaking Conversation

In the last few days, one of my daughters has been, well, let's just say "grumpy." She fought with her sisters. She yelled at her sisters. She stomped around when things made her mad... and everything seemed to make her mad.
At first I chalked it up to a growth spurt. When they're going through a growth spurt, my girls tend to be tired and cranky. However, when this behavior continued over the course of several days, I found myself ready to snap. At one point, I took her to another room, away from her sisters and asked her what was wrong. She kept talking about a toy that she wanted to play with that one of her sisters had. Slowly, I started to realize what was happening. "What is it like being a quadruplet?" I asked her. Her response? She began to cry and said "It's hard. I always have to share everything." 
I can't begin to imagine what it is like to be a multiple. You do share everything. In our house not only do you share mom and dad, toys and clothes, you also share classmates and a bed room. We will likely never be able to afford a house in which all four of them can have their own room. We will likely never live in a school district which has four classes of the same grade level.
I really need to get back to our "one on one" time. I took the daughter in question to the grocery store with me the next day. She talked about how much fun it was to go with me. In the car I asked her if she could be a little happier since she had the chance to get out of the house by herself.... and ever since then she has been a much happier little girl.

Double the Birthday Fun

Yesterday was our first time attending a party for multiples. It was interesting to be on the "other side" of things for once. It gave me some insight on how parents of singletons must feel when they're invited to parties for my daughters.
The invitation arrived a few weeks ago. The party was for a girl in my daughters' preschool class and her twin sister, who is in another class. I have to admit, the invitation stressed me out. It was for both of the girls, but we only know one of the girls. Did the mom just not want to print separate invitations? Should I buy a present only for the one we know? For both? Auggghhhh! You think as a mom of quadruplets I wouldn't have to think about this. I should just know what to do. In my defense, when we've had birthday parties I have either made it clear that the party is for all four or I've instituted a "no gifts" policy. In the end I bought coordinating gifts for both of the girls. One received a Disney Princess tea set with some other Disney Princess gifts (a paint set and some puzzles), while the other sister received a Tinkerbell tea set with Tinkerbell gifts (paint set and puzzles). I'll be honest, I was quite proud of myself for being able to find the exact same things but different characters. Shopping for and coordinating gifts for twins is so much easier than doing it for quadruplets!
It was nice to be at a party where the "quad factor" wasn't a big deal. Everyone was so used to seeing twins (the birthday girls) that it didn't phase them to see another set of multiples running around. (I'm pretty sure many of the guests thought I brought two sets of twins). Besides, there was yet another set of multiples... a set of nearly-one-year-old triplets. (I just have to throw in a side note that the triplets were born via a surrogate... who just happened to be the mom of the twin birthday girls!!! I tried not to ask "annoying" questions since I know how that feels, but I was fascinated by it all. So know I also know now how strangers feel when they're asking me questions. Most of the time they likely feel how I did... fascinated and trying not to come across as intrusive).
In closing, I would like to thank everyone who voted for me in the Second Annual Multiples and More Blog Awards. I won!!!! Thank you for your support. It truly means a lot to me to have faithful followers, whether you're friends, family or just enjoy my blog. I would also encourage you to check out the other two blogs nominated in my category, as they are both outstanding. It really was an honor to be nominated alongside Two Little Monkeys and Silly Precious Piggies.
Oh, and I've decided to give Twitter one more try. I deactivated my account awhile ago after it was hacked, so let's hope this time around goes a little smoother. You can follow me here. (Thanks MaryAnne for being my first follower!)

Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh

The other day I was reading a blog by a mom of triplets, who also happens to in my moms of multiples group. A repairman was at her house and asked her if she was running a day care. This inspired her to make a video with some of the funny and/or annoying comments she has heard about having triplets. Since I know I've written multiple times about the comments that have annoyed me, I thought I would share some of the humorous things I have heard (or overheard) when I'm out with my girls:

• So, are you a nanny or something?
• Woman 1: Look, quadruplets! Woman 2: No, one of them looks smaller. I think it's triplets, but they didn't want the younger one to feel left out so they dressed her like the other three.  (You think I'm joking about this one, don't you?)
• How much do you charge for babysitting?
• (seeing me load up on milk) You must have a house full of teenagers! At least they'll be out of the house soon. (nope, so imagine how much milk I'll be buying in 10 years!)

OK, so those are the only ones that stand out in my mind right now... but I wanted you to know I do have a sense of humor. It's actually very rare that someone's comments truly annoy me.

Splitting Them Up Pt. 2

When I wrote a post last week about whether I'll separate my daughters in school, a good question came up: will I be forced to separate them? There are some school districts with policies stipulating that siblings can't be in the same class. Fortunately, my district is not one of those.
For now, it has been my decision. As I explained in my previous post, I kept my daughters together their first year of preschool and this year, as well. Now I'm being "encouraged" by their teacher to split them next year. I just don't know. I don't intend to keep them in the same class for their entire school career, but I don't know if now is the time to do it.
Still, I'm grateful that my input matters. I have a good idea of which of my daughters are ready for some independence and who may need to be with her sisters a little longer. Yet I appreciate the input from their teacher. She sees them in an environment that doesn't involve mommy and daddy. She sees who blossoms without my protection and who relies on her sisters for comfort.
I don't like the idea, though, that there are school districts that have policies on the books that don't allow multiples to be in the same class. I really think more states need laws similar to the Minnesota Twins Law, which gives parents of multiple birth children the right to decide whether they'll be separated.
There are many reasons to keep multiples together. There are many reasons to separate them. It really needs to be an individual decision. I'm not suggesting teachers shouldn't have a say in what happens, but I think it needs to be an open dialogue between the parents and the school rather than a set policy.
I'm also concerned that with a specific policy deterring multiples in the same class, then you effectively set one (or more) of the children up for failure. Would some of my daughters be denied entrance to honors classes because they can't be in the same class with their sisters? Growing up, my parents made me take all honors classes... even in my worst subject (math). Their philosophy (and I agree with it to an extent) was that it's better to struggle in honors classes and actually learn something, than to coast through an easier class. Throw in some electives and hundreds of other students and it would be hard to keep all four out of the same classes.
Clearly I've just scratched the surface of this issue, but I'll leave you with this final thought: if a parent of a "singleton" can request that their child be in a specific teacher's class (even if you've never done this, you can't tell me you don't know a parent who has), then why can't parents of multiples do the same thing?
****Don't forget to enter the $50 Safeway gift card giveaway.

When One is Left Out

So far we have avoided the drama of only one of the girls being invited to a birthday party or play date. At this point, when one is invited, they have all been invited. I'm dreading the day, though, when I have to explain why only one is invited somewhere. (And, just a side note, I completely understand why all four may not be invited to a party... different classes, different friends, etc., but I still think it will be hard to explain).
Still, there are times when my daughters exclude one another from various activities. The other day, for example, Roo and Sue Sue were playing some game that made sense only to them. It involved sitting in an upside down chair and talking about bugs. Tortilla said "Can I play?" They said no. Keep in mind that as soon as Roo said no she looked to see my reaction. She knew she was supposed to say yes. I diverted Tortilla's attention and she went on to play something else.
It's a fairly common occurrence in our house: someone is playing quietly by herself and suddenly her three sisters want in on the action. I'm all for share and share alike, but I also understand their need for some alone time. Sometimes I can split them into different play rooms. Other times I set the oven timer so they can take turns with toys.
Still, I hate the heartbreak on the face of the sister who is told she can't play. It's never the same sister and never for the same reasons. Being left out is a life lesson that is never fun to learn.

I Need a Bigger Bed

When Hubby and I bought our first house we were overwhelmed by the amount of space we had. The home included our "master suite" and two other bedrooms, plus a den downstairs. We turned one of the extra bedrooms into a "reading room" and the other into our guest room. We decided to upgrade our own bedroom furniture. I really wanted a King size bed. I grew up sleeping on a double bed and really like, want, need the extra space. I wanted to be able to sprawl out, roll around and sleep without running into Hubby or any cats. Hubby argued that a King size bed wasn't practical for the size of our bedroom. I relented and went with the Queen. I wish I had fought harder.
A King size bed absolutely takes up a lot of space. But it's space well worth it. Since we bought this bedroom set approximately six years ago, I have spent countless nights kicking Hubby's legs off my side of the bed and shoving cats toward Hubby. I often wake wondering how I managed not to fall out of bed given the fact that I'm practically clinging to the side of the bed.
Having four preschoolers makes me want a bigger bed even more. When everyone became 100% potty-trained, the gate over their bedroom door had to come down. Now it's at the top of the steps, meaning the entire upstairs is fair game.
It's actually pretty fun to have my daughters come in my bedroom to "check on me." I pretend I'm still sleeping while they climb into the bed and crawl under the covers. Then I'll open my eyes and feign surprise that four little girls are in my bed. On these mornings we'll stay in bed for awhile just being silly and giggling. Still, we could use more space because those mornings often end with arguments over who is going to sleep next to mommy and whose turn it is to lay on one of the pillows.
Hubby's work schedule has changed again and he's now home in the mornings. I know the girls are excited to "check on" both mommy and daddy in the morning. We may have to be like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and have a huge bed custom-made for us!

The Same But Different

People always ask me in regards to my daughters "oh, do you notice different personalities starting to come through?" Starting? Their personalities have been shinging through since birth!
I understand that it's hard for some people to grasp that children born at the same time are not the same. Trust me, I'm not even being sarcastic with that last statement. If you see four little girls who are sisters and all the same age, it can be hard to see them as individuals. But most times my daughters won't let you forget how different they are from one another.
In the NICU the nurses told us preemies can exhibit various signs of communication. My response? Mmmm hmmm. But they were right. The second Tortilla felt she had enough attention and needed a break she would put her hand out in that "talk to the hand" pose. She still does that sometimes when she wants to be left alone. Cakes on the other hand wanted to be picked up the minute anyone walked in the room. She still wants to be on your lap the second you sit down.
All four of my daughters have different likes and dislikes. Roo will eat almost every vegetable you put in front of her, except cucumbers. Sue-Sue, on the other hand, only likes cucumbers. Tortilla can't stand carrots. Cakes eats any and every vegetable known to man. Tortilla loves to dance. Sue-Sue likes to sing. They all like Dora the Explorer but will have tear-filled arguments over which Dora movie to watch.
I think it will be a challenge for some people to ever see my daughters as anything more than "the quads." Even "singletons" face this problem when younger siblings are compared to older siblings. But I think if people take the time to get to know my daughters they'll realize how different these similar sisters really are.

Raising Multiples: A Pain in the....

There are so many joys to raising multiples, but it can be, quite frankly a pain. You pick the location on the body, chances are it hurts. The most common areas of pain are the neck and back.
I didn't realize the hazards of parenting multiples until my daughters were born. At first, I attributed all my aches and pains to 23 weeks of bed rest and a c-section. Then it dawned on me: neither of those things should affect my neck.
It all started in the NICU. After hours of holding my daughters and staring lovingly at them, my neck ached. Sounds silly, right? There were times when all I could do was hold one of them and stare straight ahead. Any movement of my neck caused seering pain. I still have this problem if we spend too long reading books (for example the hour we spent reading books before bed last night). Blame my posture, blame my couch for being way too old to be comfortable, but at least at the end of the day I have an indicator of whether I spent quality time with my children. (I'm trying to approach this from the cup being half full stance).
Back pain is something I'm sure all parents experience at some point. For the most part, I brought it on myself. Rather than go up and down the steps four times to put them to bed, I would carry them two at a time. It's pretty easy to do when they're five pounds each, but I probably should have stopped when their weights hit the double digits. You think I'm joking? I carried them two at a time well past their first birthday. It was a huge time saver, but definitely a pain.
Now, of course, my daughters are much more independent, but they still want to cuddle and snuggle. Sometimes all four of them try to cram onto my lap. Inevitably, if I pick one up, they all want picked up. I'm just not that strong any more. I don't attempt to hold more than one at a time. Even picking up one for long periods of time can hurt my back (again, I'm guessing all parents of toddlers come to the realization at some point that they just can't pick up their children and carry them the way they once did).
Hubby is a strong guy, and even he is starting to experience the "pain" of raising multiples. Take, for instance, our recent visit to the zoo. It was crowded and we parked far from the entrance. After what seemed like a hike from the car to the entrance, Sue-Sue was pooped. Hubby decided to give her a shoulder ride and I'm suprised he could even move the next day. Hey, you try carrying 25 pounds on your shoulders for at least an hour and tell me how you feel.
Yep, parents of multiples (or maybe even parents in general) deserve hazard pay!